Dear Indigo: 8 months

 Dear Indigo,

Happy eight months.  A you lay sleeping in my arms, I mentally take note of your cool, soft, squishy limbs.  Your elbow and knee rolls and your round apple cheeks...I'm so amazed at the spirit your little body holds. I cannot wait to learn more about you as you learn to communicate...you can get out a mama or rather mamama when you are upset and reaching for me.  What other words will you be forming next?  I can see your peaceful slumber has shifted into dreams because your fingers have started to twitch and you break out into big grins.  You sometimes smile just like your dad...closed mouth and wide.  You month you've gotten the hang of crawling on your knees and have even started trying to pull yourself up.  I better start planning for our stairs.  Little lady you are such a happy sweet baby, with shy smiles for just about everyone.  And those big blue eyes of yours with their black fringe...they slay me with their intense focus and loving stares.  Indigo you've been more interested in table food, stopped sucking your fingers, grasping cheerios, and love blowing raspberries and shrieking for joy.  We love you lady!

Mama, Dada, + James

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 James left : Indigo right (both 8 months)

Dear Indigo: 7 months

Dear Indigo,

Baby, you are doing so well  This month you cut your first tooth and are sitting up like a little professional.  You are eating purees like a champ, and prefer applesauce the best of all. You are waking up once a night, and much to my chagrin have decided to become a morning girl.  Of course you do then nap at 8am.  You love going for walks, and have moved houses this month.  These were taken in our rental.  You sweetheart are the smiliest, happiest baby.  You prefer me to hold you, but when you're recently fed, you will be content with everyone.  You are decidedly not a snuggler because you have so many things to see, and do and try.  You love to wiggle about!  We love you little lady, and are amazed at how fast you are growing.

Love you baby,
Mama

Dear Indigo: 6 months

Dear Indigo,

Hello my sweet little girl.  You are such a content lady.  You love to snuggle close when you are tired, sucking on your two first fingers on your right hand.  You are enraptured, if sometimes scared, by your brothers antics and attempts at giving hugs.  You have the most expressive eyebrows and facial expressions;  giving away your exact feelings, which you come by honestly as my face is an open book.  You are up to 16 lbs and 25.25 inches tall, and love looking at the world around you.  You can sit for several seconds all by yourself, and are grabbing for everything.  You are eating food (purees) and loving it!  Thus far you've glommed down everything we've given you.  My little lady, you did very well at your 6 month appointment - 16 lbs, 25 inches long, we are so glad you are a healthy girl.  Can't wait to see you grow more and more into your personality.  Lets keep these early morning wake-ups the rarity though, alright?

Loves,
Mama

Dear Indigo: 5 months

Hello sweet girl,

You have such a sweet voice, as you coo and hum all day with a smiling face.  You are a very relaxed little lady.  You've been preferring to only be held by your Mama, but tolerate others for a short bit.  You'be been gaining neck strength, and can roll either way now, but you actually like being on your tummy.  You are such a content baby, now that regular milk is out of my system, which thankfully we figured out early on.  You've taken to sucking on your pointer and middle fingers of your right hand.  It is so precious, but we've been pulling them out so that your teeth don't come in weird.  You've been drooling up a storm, but no teeth yet.  Indigo you've laughed!!!  Its more of a chuckle/giggle, and I have to be careful to not let James tickle you because it like being tickled by wolverine claws.  You are sleeping through the night, save for one early morning nursing sometime two if you go to bed early.  We love you dearly, and are so beyond blessed to have you in our family.  This month was a difficult one for your Mama with Graham's 2 yr anniversary, so many reminders of what we missed with him.  Sweetie, you are such a precious little lady.  I savor your sweet smiles and squishy little legs.  You love to be held, facing out to see and experience the world.  We love you Indigo!

Hugs and kisses,
Mama + Daddy

Dear Indigo: 4 months

Dear Indigo.

Sometimes I sit and hold you and just weep.  You were so anticipated, my dear.  We weren't sure if we would get another chance.  But here you are smiling, cooing.  You've decided that you are decidedly a night out and love to sleep in until at least 8 am.  (Of course that includes eating during the night)  Your smiles lights up your entire face!!! and your scowl is hilarious...even if it is around more often than not...those furrowed eyebrows...deep in thought.  You've gaining weight and height ahead of schedule.  You are in good control of your head now and thus are enjoying tummy time more.  You've also taken the habit of sucking your thumb and forefinger on your left hand.  We love you and all your little sounds.  James loves to hold you...as do I.  Your favorite thing is bath time and the quiet.  You love a quiet room with one on one attention and eye contact.  And my dear, you have such expressive eyes.

Love you dearly,
Mama for all

Indigo 4 months: James 6 months: Same overalls. same blue eyes.

Dear Indigo: 3 months

Dear Indigo,

You are 3 month old lady!  Lately you have been awake much, much more.  You are smiling and grinning at everyone, and it melts me.  You'be been gaining weight up to 12.5lbs, and growing tall 23".  Your lovely brown locks are here to stay, and I cannot believe how long your hair is - already past your shirt collars in the back.  As I suspected, you are a night owl baby...usually awake and wanting to lay on the floor and play from 8-11pm.  Of course this is shortening my nights since you are liking to be up late, and your brother likes to be up early.  I'm not complaining though because you are such an amazing sleeper and have been since the beginning.  You sleep through the night whenever you go down and wake up to eat once between 4:30 and 6am!  Then you're back to sleep until 8am.  Sweetheart, keep it up.  Also little lady, you've rolled over 5+ times...everyone else has seen it except me...what gives?  Your favorite thing of late, which helps with evening fussiness, is bouncing on the red exercise ball (a trick I picked up when James was a babe).  Baths are still a favorite, especially since we transitioned to the tub...perhaps you'll be a swimmer.  We love you Indigo Marlene, and guess what?!  You have 3 new baby cousins to meet in 2017!!  You weren't the youngest for long.  Wyatt Kevin McCurry arrived this month, with a new girl McCurry cousin AND a boy Clark cousin arriving next month.  You'll have plenty of playmates.  Also princess, that is one of the last of my hand-me-downs, everyone at church thought you looked so sweet in it last week.

Nose kisses,

Mama

Dear Indigo: 2 months

Dear little Indigo,

You, my dear, are quite the precious one.  You love to sleep and are quite content most of the time.  Your preferred awake time is in the evenings and fussy times are 9-10pm.  We've discovered you are allergic to dairy like your brother, so none for me.  This month you've gained weight and height, now 11.5lbs and 23 inches!  I love your beautiful brown hair and think it is here to stay; I cannot believe how long it is already.  Your eyes are still blue-blue.  You love bath time, and being held while the holder is standing up...basically every child amiright? You are tracking faces, and making some coo-sighs every so often.   It melts my heart every time.  And your little smirks and pursed lips slay me.  Despite attempts on your life due to ignorant, innocent roughness, you are resilient.  The little dude loves you, most of the time, and simply wants to play.  We've been for a few walks, warmer weather permitting, and you prefer the carrier to the stroller much to James' joy. You are all outgrown from your newborn and 0-3mo clothes.  But you still can fit into your 3 month things.  I must say that they make little girl pants rather fitted, I bump you up a size so that your little legs and tummy are squished.  We love you little girl.  So much looking forward to watching your grow.

Snuggles,
Mama

Life Lately: My favorite time of day

My favorite time of the day is the middle of the night.  Or at least it has been lately.  You see, lately, it has been musical beds around here with bringing Indigo home.  James is going through wicked sleep regression, she had been crying around 10pm for an hour or so and is now simply awake from 10-midnight.  So you could easily walk through our house and find people sleeping in random places...Brad or Susan on the couch hoping for some winks sans crying baby in ear, Brad and James in James' room, James in with me, Indigo in crib, Indigo in with me, Brad and me in our bed, Brad in James' bed alone, all of us in the same bed.  And since it has been so crazy, I love it when we are all together and quietly resting in the same space.  Usually this occurs around 3am.  I am awake feeding Indigo in our bed, and James wanders in bleary eyed, and crawls over me and snuggles next to Brad.  And for a brief moment, my loves are all resting and contented and quiet.  It is beautiful. 

Get outside: winter wonderland

 Our goal is get outside every day.  every. day.

 So some mornings we wait...

 And watch the snow fly out the window.

 Until coats are zipped, socks are doubled up, and child-sized gloves are improvised.

 The thing is, no matter the weather, getting ourselves outside keeps us, me...James, sane, happy and healthy.

Dear Indigo: 1 month

 
Dear Indigo Marlene,

Hello sweet pea!  You are already bringing so much joy to our little family, even if your favorite activity is sleeping. :) You are such a content little lady, save for some tummy issues that become more apparent at night (we're pretty certain dairy is to blame).  And we are all thrilled to have you snuggling in all of our arms.  James is quite taken with you and wants to hold and kiss and hug you all throughout the day, so his play is punctuated with Indigo breaks.  You love baths.  LOVE them.  I think you'd stay laying in the water all day if I'd let you: wide-eyed, making happy faces, calm.  The same reaction is for any car ride...which I'm thinking means you were meant for a road trip!

Accomplishments
gaining 3 lbs back up to over 9lbs
out of newborn clothing
sometimes sleeping for 4 and 5 hour stretches at night

Love you baby,
Mama

Indigo + Mama 30 years earlier

Monthly Portrait: November

This month we enjoyed shockingly great weather, soccer outside, raking leaves, family movie nights, and preparation for baby.  Brad celebrated 6 months at his new job, and James' spent most days building caves out of pillows and blankets, playing with paw patrol toys and running around outside.  I think I need a hug. OR let's laugh! - are his most common phrases, and he consistently asks for spaghetti for breakfast.  This is likely our last month as this exact family dynamic, since December will bring about some changes with a new baby.  I am so thankful for this wonderful family we've created.  It is crazy to me that I've only known Brad for 6 years, but imagining life without him seems impossible and definitely worse.  His steady and gentle ways are just what I need, and raising James together is a joy and a challenge as we strive to be the best examples we can be.  Watching James discover the world around him and how he thinks and feels about things is beautiful, and we are praying that his strong and compassionate spirit stays with him as he grows.  It is truly amazing to see how children can reveal your true character; birthing James, losing Graham, raising James - these innocents are witnesses to the everyday grasping towards being a person worthy of the position I have...mom.  As this month draws to a close and we prepare for another seasonal and familial shift, we are ready, we are excited, and we are waiting as patiently as possible.

Anticipated Moments in parenting

I have some long anticipated moments/experiences in parenting.  One of those was baking with my kid/s.  I have to say it was/is pretty awesome (hugely messy) baking with James.  Our first venture was cornbread, and we've branched out since.  Yesterday we made chocolate zucchini bread.  He loves measuring, dumping everything into the bowl, and getting to use the electric beater (with a secret helping hand).  Sometimes life can get so routine, so everyday,that I forget how much I've looked forward to those moments.  I can easily get lulled into a routine that dismisses the magical of the everyday and is blind to opportunity.  Certainly I'm not alone in this, but I've been working on changing that perspective.  So I've been prayerfully working on being intentional in our time together.  Soaking those moments in whatever they may be...making popcorn, family movie nights, walking to the park, morning snuggles. Easier said than done, but this intention has been so helpful for me this week to seize opportunities as they come...sort of intentional parenting or opportunity spotting.

Which lead me to a joy I got to experience with James this week...introducing him to my love of globes, maps, etc.

Oh the possibilities that lay in those flat pieces of paper...the adventures, the beautiful forests and fields, the fascinating people, delicious food...  With so much of our family living in far away places, James is always wanting to visit, so the concept of distance obviously not grasped...he is only 2.9 yrs old.  So this week while sitting on the potty, he asked, "Where is Ohio?"  Normally I would have explained that it was far away, blah blah blah...but in the spirit of being intentional, I asked him to wait, and  sprang groaned to me feet and grabbed the globe out of his room.  We were able to look at the whole world, and find the different places with our family...Montana, Ohio, Alabama, Alaska, Minnesota, Florida, Spain, California, Washington.  He was so excited - hello the thing could spin pretty fast.  He called the US "the little places" (all of the different colored states), and my heart burst basically from getting to share my love of potential with my little love, as James started talking about what Isabel or Auntie Steph or Uncle Paco were doing right then.  That is one moment I've been waiting for.  One experience I've anticipated sharing, and it was pretty awesome.  Of course there is so much to look forward to, but keeping myself grounded in the today is what made this time so special.  

Eye surgery on a 2 year old? NBD

"He'll probably need surgery."

The Dr. said those words so casually, like he was offering us cookies rather than telling us that our two. year. old. son would need eye surgery.  "We'll patch him and have him wear glasses for a couple months before I decide if surgery is the best option.  The good news is that the eye isn't damaged; he just doesn't use it."

I know, I know.  So its no big deal.  Things could be worse.  Lots of little kids wear patches/glasses to fix a crossed eye.  But his wasn't that bad, was it?!  We just noticed it last month!  Surgery?!  What kind of parent am I?  Should I have seen the signs earlier?

Needless to say Monday hit me like a bag of bricks.

We had started the process by getting to his primary doc, then a referral, and finally appointment day came - along with a nice 2 hr car ride to calm everyone's nerves.  Ah.

James took it all in stride at the doctor's office...until today, when the actual patch was placed over his strong eye.  Four patches, two hours, 3 bags of fruit snacks and hundreds of tears later, I would say he adjusted to wearing it.  He only ran into something twice during his four hours of "Pirate Time".  We even played catch, legos and ran around Rite-Aid...only 60 more days to go.

We can do this...right?

I will say that it was amazing to watch his eye start to move around and focus on things.  It was very apparent that he hadn't been using it because he was so frustrated and confused trying to focus at first.
 
But seriously, can't this kid catch a break?  33 weeks premie, 16 days in the NICU, screaming pain for 6 months before we find out he's allergic to dairy, no ice-cream ever, his baby brother dies and he wants a baby so badly, and now he probably needs eye surgery?!  Apparently I need to stop keeping track.  I keep telling myself, at least he's alive, thank you for that Lord.  He's alive.  He can hear.  He can talk.  He can smell.  He can run, climb and throw sticks.  He has cousins.  He has a Mama and a Daddy.  He is loved.  So he can't see out of one eye.  No big deal.  Really.  We have so much to be grateful for, and a chance meeting with a friend reminded me of that Monday night.

Patches working or surgery needed, we can do this.  He can do this.

So after dinner we drew on a bunch of the eye patches to make them more fun...now he has Mater, Lumpy, a lion, eyeball, and Nemo.  He liked them so much he wanted to put one on for bed.

Monocular vision isn't the end of the world - we just won't sign him up for baseball.

Parenting: James for the win.

Sometimes parenting is hard.  (and all the parents laughed)  Its true.  Some moments are hard like being awoken at 2:30am by the acrid smell of fresh vomit seconds before a sad little face whispers "Mama?"  There are the moments when your precious child, angered at the answer of no, takes a open handed swing at you.  These are hard moments I don't think you'd disagree,  but I must say that the good so greatly outweighs the hard.  James has been winning lately.  Let me tell you why.

One of his favorite things is throwing bread at to the ducks / seagulls at the park.  He has it in his mind that they also need "hug-ys" (hugs), so he also chases them bend over with his arms outstretched trying to give them while asking "huggy?".  James for the win.

Whenever he finds a Mama-hair, (I have long hair and it sheds...everywhere)  he carefully picks it up and brings it to me.  "Mama-hair, I found it." he proudly proclaims.  I thank him for bringing it back to me and we throw it away.  James for the win.

When playing hide and seek, I'll ask out loud..."Hmm...are you in the kitchen?"  and he shouts his response of no or yes from his hiding spot (his only one - the hall closet).  James for the win.

Last week, out of the blue, we are sitting down to dinner, and he looks at me and earnestly says, "Tank you, a making my dinner Mommy."  I. die.   I was overcome.  Whose kid is this?  Oh yeah, mine!  So I told him he was welcome and how kind it was to say that.  Apparently he liked my response because he's taken to saying it after every meal now.  James for the win.

And I guess its not just James who is winning here because each one impacts another.

Strange Sleeper

I was half-awake and heard some rustling of sheets and doors opening.  I rolled over and checked my phone for the time...5:37 am.  Quick footsteps came over to my side of the bed, and I open my eyes to Brad searching under the covers.

Me (very sleepily): What are you looking for?
Brad: James!  Did he sneak in bed with us last night?
Me:  WHAT?!  No.  (All sensing springing to full focus.)  Isn't he in bed?

I leaped out of my bed and raced into his room...turn on the lamp and look.  Empty bed.  Empty floor.  Brad moves some stuffed animals around.  Not there.

Brad:  I already checked the kitchen and living room...the doors are still locked...where is he?!
Me: (mind racing...Was he stolen?  Did someone kidnap my boy?!)  I'll go check.

At this point, tears are welling up in my eyes as I am starting to panic thinking James was taken.  I'm no Liam Neeson,  but Brad...maybe.

Brad:  (loud whisper) Susan, come here.

I head back to James' bedroom.  Brad is on his hands and knees peeking under the bed, so I drop to mine.  Ahhhh.  James.  Sound asleep back against the wall under his bed.  It has been all of 1.2 minutes.

Sweet relief.

We lifted his bed from its place, settled him back onto it AND moved it back all with a slumbering little boy. What a strange sleeper.

Housekeeping: and my son's job

I love a clean house.  Isn't it just wonderful to plop (and I do me plop) down on the couch and observe a spotless floor, clean counter, empty sink AND dish rack, toys all hidden away, and freshly vacuumed carpet.  Ahhhh!  Never a neat/organized person, rarely are all those boxes check off at the same time.  But lets not get distracted by minor details.  Shall we focus on the purpose of this post?  Yes, lets.

James.  My son.  He has a new job at our house.  His prior and current chore is taking his dirty diapers to the garbage.  He thoroughly enjoys this job, and even reaches for the diaper while getting strapped into a clean one.  After holding the diaper he then reaches for someone's hand to escort for throwing it in the bin.  Precious.

His new, self-appointed, job is to find any speck of anything on the floor.  Pick it up, bring it to my attention through a chorus of uh-ohs, and take it to the garbage can.  Helpful?  yes.  Discouraging? ever so slightly.  We don't live in a dirty house.  I sweep at least once daily, and multiple times around James' chair at the table.  How does he keep finding little bits everywhere?  Does he have a secret stash to draw from?  (it used to be inside my boots, thankfully that's over)  He can find a crumb on the cleanest of floors or carpet.  Its almost funny...almost.  It would be one thing if he could accept that sometimes it isn't the best time to throw it away...like when I'm in the middle of dishes...or putting laundry away.  "Throw it on the floor, and Mommy will get it later" doesn't quite satisfy him.  Not that life should always satisfy him, but deep down I know that it does need to be tossed and I simply don't care at that moment.

Clearly he doesn't get his spotless ways from his mother...and since his father covered a bleeding cut with cardboard and packing tape the other day, that takes Dad out of the race as well.  Apparently James is going to be a naturally fabulous housekeeper.

That or he just loves our step-to-open garbage can. ;)

Dear James: 12 months/1 year

 

 Dear James!!!

You are one year old!  Today is actually your take-home day from the hospital, September 19.  My how you've grown! :) ...from 4lbs 9oz to 18lbs 4oz...from 18inches to 28.25inches...from swimming in premie clothes to wearing 12 month clothes.  Who would have thought how?!  You are such a little boy now moving all around and smiling at everyone!  Your six little teeth are shining at whoever looks your way.  You are such a people person that even grocery shopping is a fun because it provides new people to meet.  Life has taken on such a new meaning with you as part of our family.
You are such a little charmer sometimes I wonder where you get your outgoing ways.  It definitely isn't from either your Daddy or me.

This year you went on a roadtrip to Yosemite, rode on a plane, ate chocolate cake, were the youngest Clark cousin for a few months, are/were the first Van Diest great-grandchild, as well as the first McCurry grandchild.  You came in a way I never would have thought, but knowing your curious, sweet, active self now, I can see that your birth fit you to a T.  Happy Birthday James!

Accomplishments this month
Crawling all over the place
Taking a few steps at a time
Saying Mama and Baba
Giving high-fives
Giving kisses
Waving
Clapping
Pointing
Drinking from a straw

We love you so much little buddy!!!

Mama & Daddy
And now for the rest of his first birthday photoshoot. :)

All done Mama!! Give me back the car keys!

Dear James: 11 months

Oops...only fuzzy camera photos this month.

Hello James,

My what a big boy you are!  This past month has been a lot of growth for you!  We reintroduced dairy through me to you, and thus far you've been ok.  HOORAY!!!  I want to eat all the cheese.  You however don't get any for a little bit.  We started sleep training this month because it was time...and you are not longer waking 2-5 times a night to eat, which has been wonderful on everyone.  And in sleeping more through the night, you've decided naps are for infants, and sometimes won't take one all day and be no less happy.  And then some days you take a 2 hour nap.  I definitely see you Dad's sleeping habits forming.  :)  You are SO eager to walk, and I have a feeling that you will be running rather than walking.  You favorite speed is fast.  The other day you were playing in the kitchen while I was washing dishes, and then I noticed how quiet it was.  You were sitting in the cupboard with all the pots and pans licking everything.  It was hilarious!

Accomplishments:
Sleeping through the night
Saying Mama
Clapping your hands
Walking on all fours like Mogli
Crawling fiend
Cruising around all the things
Standing for a few seeconds
Pointing

Love you so many loves,
Mama and Daddy

Sleepless Nights: Wait, where is the baby?!

This is the last in a series about the crazy that happened when I was sleep-deprived this past year.  You can read all of them here.

James had a doctors appointment...oh those appointments.  This was WAAAAY back...when he had to be weighed weekly to make sure he was doing ok.

Yikes! I looked at the clock and was already running behind.  Where are those blasted wipes?!!

Aha!  I spied them under the dining room table.  ...Of course...

Diaper bag with extra everything? ...check...
James in the carseat? ...check...
Insurance card? ...check...
Purse? ...check...

Ok, now get everything into the car.

As I pulled open the door and kicked open the screen door...taking care to not let it bang against James, I set the bag and purse on the front porch.  Snatching the keys off the holder, I carefully shut the front door... then the screen door and juggle the bags and carseat to the car.

Why is it so cold?  Should I bring an extra blanket for James?

SUSAN!!!  Get.In.The.Car.  You are already going to be 10 minutes late.  

Quickly I set everything next to the car, unlock the doors, throw in the bags and run to the drivers seat.

Get in, start the car, back out of the driveway, and look in my rear view (NOTE:  Always look in your rear view mirror...more on this later) and there I see little James sitting next to the front porch...right where I left him.

Wait, where is the baby?!  Why isn't James in the car? 
 .................................... Oh right, I need to put him in the car.  

He may or may not have been -2 weeks old at this point.

Your turn.  When or where did you leave without your baby?  Tell me I'm not the only one.

a morning I never want to forget

My morning baby was happy and calling for me from his crib.  Naptime was over, and it was time to play!  Pay no mind that the nap was from 8-8:45am, I call him morning baby for a reason. :)  Scooping him up a hug of gurgles and grunts, we headed to the living room floor.  We had laid there for a while building and destroying block towers, reading about Pumpkin the puppy and eating cheerios, when he decided that wrestling was what was missing...so he hauled himself up and proceeded to wrestle himself on top of me and ended with me on my back and his face just above mine.  A look of triumph glinted in his little eyes, and then I asked him for a kiss.  His adorable mouth opened and began to cover my cheeks in drooly alligator kisses (open mouth aaahhh sounds) all the while laughing.  (I can NEVER get this kiddo to laugh!)  So I snuggled him back, and he gave me more alligator kisses and we laughed on the floor both with sopping wet faces.  It was a pretty perfect morning.  Mornings like are what I treasure...what I want to remember...that I don't want to ever forget.